What to Watch: Pee-wee As Himself
by Mike Lunsford, Editor-in-Chief of The Great Geek Refuge (I know you are, but what am I?)
**Cracks knuckles** It’s been about 4 years since I wrote an article for GGR, so let’s see if I can still do this.
“Why write something now when you can just talk about it and post it on one of your dozen podcast streams?”
Thank you for the question, nameless/faceless voice of the audience. The answer: because I was moved to do so by a piece of media. That’s what this whole geeky/nerdy thing is all about it, isn’t it? At least in our little corner of the internet it is: sharing the things you love and the things that mean something to you. So, after this preamble, let’s talk about the media that struck a chord, Pee-wee Herman as Himself, the 2 part documentary that dropped on HBO Max in May of 2025.
When discussing my favorite movies of all time, no conversation is complete without me bringing up Pee-wee’s Big Adventure. The absolute absurdity of the movie, how it never takes itself too seriously but at the same time is completely committed to the world they’ve created is a perfect balance. The movie is also beautifully shot, hilarious, and very quirky, marking Tim Burton’s major motion picture debut as a director. It was my introduction to the comedy stylings of Pee-wee Herman.
I was just a wee lad in the 80s so I got a good dose of the other Pee-wee shenanigans such as Pee-wee’s Playhouse, a Saturday morning favorite of mine. I figured he’d be around for a long time, with more fun times to come. And then…1991 happened. Paul Reubens, the man behind the red bowtie got arrested for indecent exposure in an adult theater in Sarasota, Florida. I was 9 years old at the time so I didn’t fully understand the story or what happened, all I knew about it was the jokes that followed. You can imagine the jokes that a child would hear. “Heh, Pee-wee showed his wee wee!” and those were the jokes the ADULTS were saying!
He was able to salvage his career in spite of what the terrible accusations did to it. Most of Hollywood supported him and he had roles in Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Mystery Men, and Blow. He even brought back Pee-wee for a Broadway performance of the show that kicked off his career. Then another incident popped up in 2004 where he was accused of possessing child pornography. Those charges were eventually dropped but he plead guilty to obscenity charges. I had heard about it, but didn’t know much about it beyond the headlines and how it seemed odd.
Unfortunately, Paul Reubens passed away in 2023 of cancer, a diagnosis he hid from nearly everyone. I was saddened by the news but it was just another fact of life I couldn’t avoid: all of your heroes will eventually die. The ravages of time, as they say. But then, in May of 2025 director Matt Wolf released his documentary that had been in the works since 2020. Out of respect for a man who had such a massive impact on my childhood and wanting to understand what really happened and frankly, better understand him, I decided I needed to watch this documentary.
Pictured: Matt Wolf, Director of Pee-wee As Himself. Oh, and Chairy. Can’t forget Chairy.
If you’re looking for a recommendation on whether this is worth your time to watch, then I’ll cut to the chase. Watch this documentary. It does such a great job of showing a full picture of the man so many people knew as Pee-wee Herman. It does not deify him or paint him as the tortured genius. You see the good, the bad, the ugly of Paul Rebuens. The most important thing you see throughout the documentary is often not directly stated, but you see the why behind Paul’s very guarded personal life and personality and the difficulty he had with opening up. Early in the documentary I couldn’t tell if Paul was being honest or just fucking with Matt Wolf when he snapped at the director for a simple question about his childhood room.
“Matt: You were talking about your room…
Paul: I was just about to! I don’t want to curse but if you’d stop fucking interrupting me…HBO wants a lot of fuck and tits and ass in this doc. I can only say fuck, I’m not showing my tits or my ass…at least not today. Not in this chunk.”
Why would such a seemingly innocent question spark such a response? Was the slight smile at the end a tell that he was joking? This comes up often in the documentary and Reubens even says at various points that he thought of making his own documentary but his friends talked him out of it, saying that he lacked perspective. But the point: great documentary. Very interesting, enlightening and entertaining. For those who want to watch the documentary without spoilers, do not tread past Pee-wee’s revelation of who stole his bike.
This documentary was fantastic. It did everything I hoped it would: it answered questions I had wanted to know for years about his legal troubles. It also painted a clearer picture of who Paul Reubens was as an artist and a person. I learned so much about what made him who he was and how he got his start in show business. It also touched on Paul’s personal life but didn’t explain everything and that was due to his reluctance, not the fault of the director. Any time Matt Wolf pushed a little bit to learn more, Paul walled himself off again. He hid behind Pee-wee-esque antics such as the copycat game, making ridiculous faces, answering questions ambiguously and being dodgy. But as you watched the documentary, even that attitude made sense.
His Early Life/Career
Paul Reubenfeld was born in Peekskill, New York in 1952 but didn’t live in New York for long, as his family moved to Sarasota, Florida when he was 9. Sarasota was the former summer home of the Ringling Brothers Circus and many of the residents have long-standing ties to the circus community. Young Paul was in love, as he had always been a huge fan of all things entertainment. This love of the circus certainly explained some of his comedic sensibilities and penchant for circus-themed design. He loved television at a young age as well, his favorite shows being The Howdy Doody Show and I Love Lucy. He knew very early on that he wanted to be in show business, even having his father build him a stage in their basement.
The early days had him acting at the local theater company in Sarasota and falling in love with avant-garde sensibilities, as he always saw himself as an outsider, or “oddball” as he described himself. He was able to get into the California Institute of the Arts (CalArts), the prestigious school near Los Angeles. An interesting fact I learned was there were some famous alumni that attended CalArts while he was there: David Hasselhoff and Katey Segal.
He graduated with a bachelors in fine arts and started his career with various small roles in movies. Not satisfied with the results, he turned to improv with a group called “The Groundlings.” It was with the group that the Pee-wee Herman character was created, courtesy of some help from fellow Groundlings like Phil Hartman, Lynn Marie Stewart and Cassandra Peterson (a.k.a. Elvira, Mistress of the Night).
Pee-wee and Elvira, Mistress of the Night
The Creation of Pee-wee Herman
The creation of Pee-wee was intriguing to me as well, as I finally understood the why behind it. This wasn’t just a goofy character that was created for cheap laughs. It was created as an escape from the realities of a man who just got out of a serious relationship with a man named Guy who was “the love of my life” in Paul’s own words. He realized that an out and proud gay man would have limited opportunities in Hollywood. Pee-wee was child-like, more focused on having fun, making jokes, annoying people and not interested in sex in any way. And as someone who described himself as bohemian, an oddball, an outcast and a rebel with a love of the avant-garde, Paul could pour himself into this character completely to the point that people may not know if this was a real person or a performance. The documentary makes it clear that the creation was not strictly from Paul, that it was with help from many of his Groundling co-stars. The first time we saw Pee-wee in the way we know him was a stage show called “The Pee-wee Herman Show.”
Pee-wee and Captain Carl (Phil Hartman) from “The Pee-wee Herman Show” live from the Roxy Theater in Los Angeles, CA. 1981
Pee-wee took off from there. To be clear it was Pee-wee, not Paul. Every interview, every appearance was in character. The show grew from the stage performances in L.A. to a touring show that went all over the United States. He made a name for himself with appearances on David Letterman as well.
I can hear this picture.
The name Pee-wee Herman was a buzz in Hollywood. He was able to secure a deal with Warner Bros., thanks to his recently appointed agent Rich Abramson. The birth of Pee-wee’s Big Adventure came from that Warner Bros. deal.
I’m not going to recount the whole documentary, I swear. I wanted to share these parts with you because I did not know about them, I didn’t know the genesis of one of my favorite movies and it was awesome to see. One last little tidbit and I’ll move on. Initially in the creative process of Pee-wee’s Big Adventure the studio discussed their pick for director. Reubens immediately shot it down. He was given a week to find a suitable replacement. He asked his friend Shelly Duvall, an early supporter of his career if she knew anyone and she recommended fellow CalArts alum, Tim Burton based on his short film Frankenweenie. After watching it, Paul was convinced and offered Burton the position.
Paul Reubens and Tim Burton on the set of “Pee-wee’s Big Adventure.”
“I’m not the best person for reality, perhaps, but his (Pee-wee’s) reality, I was probably…a reality I understood which most people wouldn’t consider reality”
Then Tim Burton has the most awkward, child-like giggle. In that moment you could see why their director/writer/star relationship worked so well. The interviews with Tim Burton were telling to why Pee-wee’s Big Adventure works. He is joyful talking about the making of the movie, even saying “I couldn’t have imagined a better first film to make.” All the stars aligned for this movie to be the massive success that it was.
Who Is Paul Reubens?
At points, Paul would open up and you started to see him lower his guard, talk about his true feelings, and then just as quickly as you think you’re going to learn more, he would close the door. But I think that in and of itself IS who he is. His personal life was so closely guarded because, well, I’ll let him tell you why
“I hid behind an alter ego… I was secretive about my sexuality to even my friends…Some of that could be self-hatred, or self-preservation. If I was conflicted about sexuality, fame was so much more complicated. By the time I realized you trade in anonymity and privacy for success, the ink had dried on my pact with the devil.”
Just like he was scared of losing himself in the relationship he had with Guy, Paul was losing himself to the role of Pee-wee. He was jealous of Tim Burton because of the fame and notoriety he got from Pee-wee’s Big Adventure. Paul Reubens didn’t receive praise, even though he created the character and co-wrote the script for the movie. Pee-wee was the star, not him. But to his credit, every time these feelings popped up, he poured himself more into his work. CBS wanted him to host a Saturday morning children’s show and he created another masterpiece: Pee-wee’s Playhouse. It was a huge success, another win for Paul, but it was Pee-wee’s win. He even said “There wasn’t like, a moment in the ‘80s that wasn’t really super cool to be me,” referring to getting to meet celebrities of all kinds, heroes of his, etc. So, Paul did get to live vicariously through Pee-wee’s exploits as he described himself as a “star-fucker.”
What he couldn’t express about himself to the public, he did so through his art. Paul focused on showing kids that non-conformity was great, that inclusivity was not something that needed to be pointed out or announced, that it just was part of what made the world great. From Reba the Mail Lady (actress S. Epatha Merkerson) to Cowboy Curtis (Lawrence Fishburne) to the King of Cartoons (Blackula himself, William Marshall), black people were part of Puppetland, members of the community with no mention of their skin color or a wink at the camera of “hey look at us! We like people of color, too!” They were part of this world with no disclaimers or qualifiers. Paul said the message of Pee-wee’s Playhouse was this:
“Not only is being different okay, it should be celebrated.”
With that vision came a stubbornness as well. Paul was notoriously not easy to work with. One of the recipients of this difficulty was his agent Rich Abramson, who had been instrumental in helping Pee-wee become a household name. Paul abruptly fired Abramson after the first season of “Pee-wee’s Playhouse” and, to quote Abramson “I’d thrown my heart and soul into him and he said ‘that’s it.’ It was devastating. It took me a long time to recover from it. In some ways, I don’t think I ever have.”
Legendary artist Wayne White, who was part of the creative team around the design of all the sets and puppets on Pee-wee’s Playhouse said “Paul had conflicts with almost everyone he worked with. That was just his nature. He was such a perfectionist, and so driven to make something that matters. It takes a lot of negative energy to get there, too. You have to throw people under the bus, everything’s transactional. Paul could hold a grudge, he didn’t forgive very easily.” His difficulties with friend Phil Hartman attest to this. There were hard feelings between the two over writing credits for Pee-wee’s Big Adventure, Phil not getting a larger role in the movie, financial compensation discrepancies and when Phil left the playhouse after the first season to join the cast of Saturday Night Live, Paul stopped speaking to him for a time.
But this was EXACTLY what I wanted to learn about! I wanted the full picture, warts and all of Paul Reubens.
Arrest and Legal Troubles
His 1991 arrest, his first bit of major controversy I wanted to know more about, was at the height of his fame and notoriety as a children’s television show host. So much of his personal life was hidden and when the viewing public got a glimpse of the “real” him it was sensationalized, with the media injecting steroids into a story they didn’t fully understand or have all the facts of to mutate the headlines into rage-inducing yellow journalism. That has to be heartbreaking for someone so concerned with showing his true self. The first time Paul Reubens makes major headlines it’s for this?
Let’s be objective for a moment here and talk about his case. He was arrested for “indecent exposure” in a porno theater after an undercover sting operation. What do you HONESTLY think happens in a porno theater? And a vice raid? This was a targeted attack on the gay community as the theater was a known meet up spot. This was Florida in the early 90s. The state had decided it was the moral police for the entire country, just ask 2 Live Crew. And if you think our country is homophobic now, just take a look at some of the awful things that happened in the 90s. Mind you, the AIDS epidemic was still a thing and the gay community was vilified for that, so any excuse to take them down had conservatives licking their chops. And apparently (I don’t have a source to cite on this, it’s just heresy) but this story would’ve gone away if a reporter hadn’t recognized Reubens’ name and posted a story about it. You know how we all laugh at the Florida Man stories? Florida has very robust public record laws so it was going to be quite a task to hide such a salacious story.
The arrest almost completely ruined his career and his life. He even thought about fighting the case as the details that emerged were not true, but he knew that would only further taint his image and legacy, so he plead no contest to keep the charges off his record. The documentary shows how he was able to bounce back from this with the help of his actual family and his found family but the damage was done. And the voices who came out and called him all sorts of awful things because of this, things that weren’t even true was disgusting. “We don’t want perverts working with our children.” That mindset is a trope that was trotted out in 1991, in his 2004 charges and still is prevalent today: gay people are pedophiles and perverts. Courtesy of the Southern Poverty Law Center, the facts about this are staggering. 97% of child molestation is perpetrated by heterosexual adult males. The “average” offender being a white, heterosexual male in an adult relationship and is a man the child knows.
His second bit of legal trouble was another targeted attack. In 2004, actor Jeffrey Jones was arrested on child pornography charges AND solicitation of a minor. Paul Reubens was charged with possession of child pornography. They searched his house from top to bottom, confiscating a great deal of his collection of vintage erotica, photography, etc. All of this was prompted by an anonymous tip from someone involved in the Jeffery Jones case. Every piece of Paul’s collection was deemed not obscene, with the exception of one magazine cover that featured a shirtless young man laying on the grass with the photo only showing him from the waist up. And that piece of evidence? Deemed not obscene. However, the city attorney didn’t want to look soft on “protecting children” so on the last possible day of filing charges, filed an obscenity charge. Paul was made to pay a fine, go to mandatory counseling, was not allowed unsupervised time with children and was put on a sex offender registry for 3 years. Certainly an easy target for a city attorney trying to make a name for themselves.
The more I read about these cases the angrier I got. I saw people turn on him, call him names, accuse him of pedophilia, of being a pervert and you could tell how badly these charges hurt Paul.
“Death is so final. To get your message in at the last minute or at some point, is incredible.”
The documentary closes on Paul Reubens’ final words, recorded by himself, the day before he died.
“I wanted people to see who I really am and how painful and difficult it was to be labeled something that I wasn’t. The moment I heard somebody label me as, I’m just gonna say it, a pedophile, I knew it was gonna change everything moving forward and backwards… labeled a pariah, have people be scared of you, untrusting of you. I wanted people to understand occasionally, where there’s smoke, there isn’t always fire...Everything I did and wrote was based in love and my desire to entertain and bring glee and creativity to young people and to everyone.”
His voice was shaking and weak. He sounds so very exhausted, like the weight of all of the witch hunts and false charges and accusations finally wore him down. Yes, the official cause of death was cancer, but to hear someone who meant so much to your childhood sound so crushed about what their legacy ended up unfairly being was truly heartbreaking. We can’t control how people view us, no matter how hard we try. It may work for a while, the persona you create becomes what the world sees… but when that mask slips and we’re exposed, we can only try our damnedest to show them everything that we are. Show them everything that we wanted and hoped and dreamed to accomplish and we hope that it is not overshadowed by other aspects of our life. It’s unfair that when mistakes happen, many believe that is “you showing your true colors.” Why are the isolated incidents where we did something wrong “our true colors?” Why isn’t the thousands and thousands of hours where we did good, where we focused on making a positive impact on the world not the “true colors?” The truth is, that is the real you. Society often expects perfection when a good heart, good deeds and trying to make people happy by showing them how uniqueness is beautiful should be what’s seen and remembered.
We all yearn for connection, especially artists and creative folks. We want friends, colleagues, fans to sees the real us, understand us and want to somehow make this world a little better than it was when we got here. Will any of us fans truly know everything about the man born Paul Reubenfeld who we fell in love with as Pee-wee Herman? No. But we know what we loved about him. We know the intent behind it all. We know that a man repressed and hid so much of himself because he knew the world wouldn’t accept ALL aspects of who he was, but he did this to share what he loved. He did this because sharing that vision, that message was so important to him. In Paul Reubens we saw a kindred spirit, someone who understood us when the rest of the world often didn’t. We couldn’t explain our strange sense of humor to others, why things were funny, and when we tried, many called us weirdos, oddballs or worse. But Pee-wee got it. He got us. He loved our quirkiness and embraced it. He saw us just like we saw him. “Not only is being different okay, it should be celebrated.”
