Baseball Movie Binge: The Major League Series

by Mike Lunsford, a washed-up catcher with bad knees and the EIC of the Great Geek Refuge

I love baseball. I know it’s an acquired taste for many because it can drag, but I love what I love. It was something I could share with my dad and grandfather, as both were all big baseball fans. It’s something I can share with my son as he loves going to games and watching them with me on TV. It’s a generational thing.

In our current Coronavirus quarantine, there hasn’t been a Major League Baseball game played since October…when the Nationals JUST so happened to win the World Series. Maybe you heard about that. But I digress! Because there has been no baseball since quarantine started and the abbreviated season is finally nearing its start, I decided to watch some baseball movies! And because it’s quarantine, I had the time to binge a bunch of them, both favorites and some that I had never seen before.

Now…before I get to what I watched, I’ll state this up front: I did not watch The Sandlot, Rookie of the Year, Bad News Bears (old and new ones), Angels in the Outfield or Little Big League. I know, I know they’re all childhood classics, but I’ve seen them a dozen times and for the most part, they’re kids movies. Of all of this list, The Sandlot holds its own but so much nostalgia-based internet content focuses on it that I don’t feel like I’m doing it a disservice by not discussing it. Just to give it a proper nod, here ya go.

It does raise the question though, who’s faster: Benny “the Jet” Rodriguez or Willie Mays Hayes?

Since I watched a ton of movies, I’m going to do these reviews as a series of articles. I’m goin to start with a classic and it’s subsequent sequels: Major League, the not-as-impressive-but still fun Major League II and the “wait, they made another one of those movies?” known as Major League III: Back to the Minors.

Major League

Major League is a great baseball movie and a wonderful film. Now, it won’t be held up on the same pedestal as movies like The Natural or FIeld of Dreams because it is a little more coarse, vulgar, and goofy but none of that takes away from what Major League does really well. It’s a movie about outcasts, has-beens, losers and the like coming together because they’re either getting their first shot or their last as pro ballplayers. It’s a story about proving yourself, about redemption and people coming together for a common goal: toppling the machinations of an evil, greedy owner.

The previous owner of the Cleveland baseball team has passed away and his much younger, former showgirl wife Rachel Phelps (Margaret Whitton) takes over. She wants to move the team to Miami but there is a contract the team has with the city that won’t allow that unless the attendance falls below a certain threshold. In order to accomplish that, Ms. Phelps will only allow the GM to sign garbage players.

One of their first calls is to Jake Taylor (Tom Berenger). Taylor was an All-Star catcher but years of drinking, partying, and womanizing have finally caught up with him. He’s in the Mexican League looking at the slow deterioration of a once promising career. The rest of the players are a fireball-throwing pitcher with control issues and an arrest record in Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn (Charlie Sheen), an unknown but incredibly fast outfielder by the name of Willie Mays Hayes (Wesley Snipes), a mysterious voodoo-practioning slugger who can’t hit a curve named Pedro Cerrano (Dennis Haysbert) and a hard-hitting but sucks-in-the-field 3rd baseman more interested in his investments named Roger Dorn (Corbin Bernsen).

The team is awful but they come together and start winning some games under the leadership of manager Lou Brown (James Gammon). He ends up being the secret weapon as he finds the best in all these players and gets them playing like a team. As they start winning, Rachel Phelps does everything she can to torpedo the teams’ success: she forces them to use an outdated airplane and when they keep winning, she downgrades them to a bus. She even goes so far as to tell the team that she brought all of them in to tank in the standings and allow her to break the city’s contract. In doing this, she actually inspires the team to win in spite of her machinations.

There are a lot of subplots running through this movie as well that gives it some depth. Jake attempts to rekindle his failed relationship with Lynn (Rene Russo), the love of his life who he lost because of his selfish, playboy antics. We also see a rivalry between Dorn and Vaughn as the veteran hazes the rookie and eventually Dorn’s wife cheats on him with Vaughn in a revenge move for Dorn’s infidelity. This makes their coming together that much more satisfying in the end.

Plus, sticking it to the rich, gold-digging owner who wants to move the team to Miami ends up becoming a rallying cry for this team’s success. But also, whoever’s idea it was to have Bob Uecker as the team’s announcer Harry Doyle is a genius. Imagine this movie with no announcer at all, let alone one of the most iconic voices in baseball.

This movie manages to be funny, heartwarming, and a great underdog flick. It might be my favorite baseball movie. The baseball played in the movie is realistic, you give a crap about the players and when you get to the bottom of the ninth with a tie score, Willie Mays Hayes on 1st and Taylor coming to bat, you are rooting for the boys on the Cuyahoga.

Major League 2

The defending AL East Cleveland ball club is back at it after their amazing run the year prior. The majority of the team returns and everything is wonderful! Roger Dorn has retired and owns the team! The team has a new power-hitting free agent catcher in Jack Parkman (David Keith, Officer and a Gentleman) and a young catching prospect with a few flaws in his game named Rube Baker (Eric Bruskotter, Starship Troopers). Lou Brown tasks his trusted veteran catcher Jake Taylor to help mentor the young backstop and offers him a coaching position. Hey, and Pedro Cerrano is back and now he’s a peace-loving Buddhist! And “Wild Thing” is back, too! Now he’s clean cut, has a new assortment of pitches and has a hot new girlfriend! And Willie Mays Hayes was in an action movie with Jesse “The Body” Ventura and hurt his leg during filming! And now instead of Wesley Snipes it’s Omar Epps. What could go wrong? Well…the whole plot narrative.

Look…I low-key love this movie, mostly for nostalgia purposes. As a kid, I was in love with baseball and went and saw this in the theaters. A rewatch as an adult reminded me that it’s still fun but it is also really dumb. The first movie is far superior. In fact, there are quite a few issues with the story overall and in many spots it gets lazy. Dorn buys the team and they struggle. I mean…we’re not even talking about a year or two worth of struggling, it’s maybe 50 games. He apparently has to sell the team back to the villain from the first movie, Rachel Phelps. There’s no way this would happen in real life, but whatever. Then they trade away Parkman, their best player at the time to help relieve their cash-strapped franchise and get a Japanese player in exchange who is nicknamed “Kamikaze” (look, it’s borderline racist, but this is a movie where the Cleveland Indians and their big, dumb racist logo is on full display so it’s not surprising).

Racism? In this franchise? Nooo…

And while I’m ranting about what was not good about this movie, why did they feel the need to shoe-horn Randy Quaid’s insane ass into this movie? He was added to a group of Cleveland fans that watch the games from the stands and make an occasional funny quip. In fact, they had a quotable line from the first movie, but very little that is even worth a laugh in the second. He’s annoying, obnoxious, and adds almost zero to the film.

The second movie starts off in new territory but then reverts to a rehash of the first one. The characters lack a lot of the punch they had in the first film. However, there are some really great developments in the story. With the team imploding, Lou has a heart attack and leaves the team in the hands of Jake Taylor. The best narrative throughout the film focuses on Jake Taylor becoming a Major League manager and leading a team plagued by in-fighting into contenders. Lou Brown gave him a shot the year prior and he rewarded that faith by showing his true character by being a leader on the field to the rag-tag group of misfits. Now, when the team needs a leader from the bench, Taylor steps up and shows that he’s more than capable. They get their act together and take on the White Sox, Parkman’s new team, for the AL title.

The first Major League was wonderful. The second one was passable and fun. It has some troubling spots, but it was the early 90s and fits the bill for dumb comedy, not thought-provoking analysis on the human condition.

Major League III: Back to the Minors

I had never seen the 3rd one but I figured “this is a binge watch session, why not? It’s got Scott Bakula and a young Walton Goggins in it! How bad can it be?” Plus, gotta finish the trilogy at this point.

I am a really easy grader on movies. I normally can find something to enjoy in any film and that gives my overall perception of the film a rosier glow. That being said, Major League III: Back to the Minors sucks. There are a few scenes that are entertaining but it completely misses all the things that made the first 2 so enjoyable. What could have been good about this movie was relegated to a few minor scenes and instead it focused on Ted McGinley acting like a doofus for cheap laughs. And frankly, if this was truly the third movie in a trilogy, it should try and find a common theme and tie up a story line. It did none of these things, but it brought back some of the actors from the first 2 films. That doesn’t count! I award you no points! Anyway, let’s get into this disappointing film.

Scott Bakula plays aging minor league pitcher Gus Cantrell who is hanging on to his career by a thread. He gets offered a Minor League manager position by new Twins owner Roger Dorn (apparently, MLB just lets him keep buying teams after mismanaging Cleveland). The team he takes over, the Buzz, is a group of weirdos and outcasts. Shocker, right? It’s a hallmark of the series, so I’ll let it slide. At least they got a basic concept correct. But here is where things get either lazy or stupid or possibly both. Example: Rube Baker is on the team! Yay! We liked Rube from Major League II and he’s a familiar face, maybe there’s a plausible explanation why he’s in the minors. No, he has the exact same problem he had in the previous movie: he can’t throw the ball back to the pitcher accurately. Here’s why this make’s no damn sense: he can still hit. HE PLAYED IN THE AMERICAN LEAGUE FOR CLEVELAND AND COULD HAVE BEEN A DH. Plus, let’s just say for the sake of argument that Cleveland has no spot for Rube and his case of the yips. There are at least a dozen other teams who could possibly use a hitter, but in the movie they mention he went to San Diego, a National League team with no DH. Whatever though, right? It’s just a movie. I was just irritated that they were reusing old jokes and plot points, completely missing the heart and soul of what made the first two good. But do you want to know how they solve Rube’s problem of not being able to throw back to the pitcher? SCOTT BAKULA YELLS AT HIM AND REMINDS HIM THAT HE HAS NO OTHER SKILLS IN LIFE. That’s it. Problem solved. We don’t hear from Rube the rest of the movie.

The pitcher’s problem? He has the slowest fastball in the Minors. THEN HE SHOULDN’T BE A AAA LEVEL PITCHER. Sweet Jesus…

Oh, but it gets so much worse. The team sucks, so who shows up? Pedro Cerrano. I guess Dennis Haysbert loves baseball movies so much that he’s just on set, waiting for something to do. And they also go pick up “Kamikaze” Taka Tanaka who now owns a mini-golf course because why not at this point? All of those sins are forgivable. Minor League baseball by nature is meant to be goofy, have both up-and-coming players and Major League cast offs and do some off-the-wall shit to get butts in the seats. Plus, Bakula is believable as a coach, especially when it comes to mentoring hot-shot hitter Billy “Downtown” Anderson (Walton Goggins). The interaction between Bakula and Goggins is one of the aforementioned “few good moments relegated to minor scenes.” There’s also some interesting spots delving into the development of Hog Ellis, an up-and-coming pitcher. Focusing on this aspect of the film could have made it so much better.

look how young and skinny Boyd Crowder was!

What ruined the movie? Ted Fucking McGinley. Look…I’ll give him credit where it’s due: McGinley plays the pretty-boy douche character extremely well. He’s made a career of doing just that. And a pretty-boy baseball player? I could see that. But he’s not a player, he’s the manager of the goddamn Minnesota Twins, a Major League Baseball team. He is shitty to his players, he knows nothing about managing a team, and he knows nothing about development of young players. His moments in the movie are him making stupid faces, and showing frustration and anger when things don’t go his way. Maybe it was the writing, maybe that’s what sucked, but I highly doubt it. If you’re going to be a smarmy, douchey Major League manager, maybe show something as to why this prick with really good hair got to the most coveted position for a baseball coach to have. At least do SOMETHING like a manager would do, not what Stan Gable from Revenge of the Nerds would do. Be a formidable villain and not a cartoon character. Jack Parkman, while a douche could hit the crap out of the ball. That’s what made Wild Thing striking him out in Major League II so satisfying. You want your villain to be a good challenge. I mean, even Rachel Phelps had a plan in the first one (and the second one when she inexplicably shows back up). All I’m saying is…fuck you, Jefferson D’arcy.

Ugh, I want to punch him in his perfect teeth.

As mentioned above, I love baseball so it is possible that I took the mistakes and cash-grab mentality of Major League III: Back to the Minors personally. But to see the final movie in an otherwise entertaining series shit the bed like this was disappointing. Will it change how I feel about the first two? Not even slightly. I’ll still enjoy watching them whenever the itch for a fun baseball movie arises.

In the meantime, thank you for reading the first “Baseball Movie Binge” article. Make sure you stay tuned for the follow up which will be up soon! Thanks for following us here at GGR. If you like the articles, podcasts, and other content we provide, throw a few bucks our way via our Patreon! Click right here to help us out!